For some Americans the fourth of July is a day of great reverence as freedom is recognized in the United States, for others it is a day that will not be recognized until all citizens are treated with equality and justice… but for everybody there is a cookout! So ,as we prepare to kiss our aunts, eat our bar-b-que and pack our to go plates, we are also preparing to either be thoroughly entertained by some certain someones who never miss a free meal.
YO Favorite Auntie— At least that’s what she says. She is loud, she is inappropriate, she dresses like Mary J. Blige and you lovvvvve it. You never know what she will say, but if anybody say any thing she snatches edges. “And AINT NARRA MUHFUCKA in her gone do shit about it”, of course no one takes her serious.
Wanna Stir the pot? Tell her you like her shades…
The 4 men playing dominoes- They are like the wise men. The players never change–you never play, and honestly I have never seen a game end. They discuss everything from politics, to women, and sports always brews an argument. Usually yo favorite auntie is calling them out on something they said.
Wanna stir the pot? Ask them to discuss Jay-Z’s new album…
The Celebrity- For this cousin, the cookout is his awards show. He is pulling up in a rented car and knockoff versace glasses. Every step is dramatic as hell, and from the moment he gets out of the car he expects to be showered with compliments. The dominoes table roasts him endlessly.
Wanna stir the pot? Pop the tag hanging out of his shirt…
The Grill Man- He takes the job quite seriously. He never walks away from the grill, has his own sous chef and sauce, and is always calling his grilling technique an ART FORM. He can’t stop bragging on his brisket, but its ok—he’s right, the brisket is THE SHiT.
Wanna stir the pot? Tell him you don’t eat meat….
The Mean Auntie—Why you mad Sis? Don’t nobody care, nobody ever asks. She always mad, and her jokes are always on point. She called your celebrity cousin out for them fake ass sunglasses, and glares at every car that passes by as she watches from the porch.
Wanna Stir the Pot? Ask her why she so mean…
The Teenager— All answers will be one-worded, her phone will be in her lap and she will be tucked in the corner. Every request will be met with an eye roll, and her mom is always an inch from slapping her.
Do not stir this pot, her mom is serious about slapping the taste out her mouth, but if you insist, hide her phone charger
The New baby— you won’t get to hold him, because your mean ass auntie won’t put him down, but you make eye contact and even though he is only 9 months, you can tell he likes you better.
Wanna Stir the pot? Build up the courage to ask to hold the baby…
Without these guys what is a cookout? Better grab you a beer and a seat, so you can catch all the shade everybody bout to throw. If you find yourself getting roasted. Congratulations, you made it to the grown up table. Have fun, and remember it is just a joke.
Did I miss anybody? Leave a comment below and tell me who your favorite person at the cookout is..