I’ve engaged in some really strange conversations with my female friends lately, as we talked about men (as we routinely do) I began to notice an upsetting pattern. As they went on a diatribe of what they were looking for in a mate, or what made their spouse special it caused me to think of the double sided coin that is misogyny- defined as the dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against women. The more they talked the more I felt ashamed of the accepted ideologies of the female sex.
As women around the world pose the argument that a woman worth should not be decided by her outward appearance, it begs the question: How are women deciding the value of men? After all, men are not objects either!!
How many times has someone told you “You should meet my son, he is a ….” doctor, lawyer, engineer what have you? That is insulting for men; whom, I would hope, do not want their intrinsic value decided by the profession he chose. Furthermore, why make such a statement at all-Does this man become less compatible with a woman if he is a factory worker or a bus driver? Terms like this insinuate that any doctor, lawyer or engineer would do, that a man is nothing more than what he does for money. This man then becomes interchangeable, he can now be switched out, replaced, or upgraded to a newer model- successfully reducing said individual from human to object.
Wait— Is that not the very thing that we have asked men to stop doing to us.
Yet, still so many women are pinning and primping hoping to snag the guy with the largest bank account. Substituting the term “my girlfriend is a model” and replacing it with “my boyfriend drives a Benz”, both terms are used to imply one’s own greatness by use of another’s accomplishments. Yet, one term causes women to roll their eyes in contempt, but the other results in praise and bravado. Why is that? Women no longer need the man to be the primary source of income, and we are working quite diligently towards equal pay. So, a man’s income is not the means for survival it once was, why then are women still using a man’s bank balance as a measuring tool for compatibility. Would he be less lovable if he drove a corolla?
What about when your friend calls to tell you about the new (whatever fucking thing people brag on) that her boyfriend bought her? Or the girlfriend whom has several boyfriends each one with the express service of paying for one thing or another. These activities are disgusting, yet very real – just type “dating rich men” in on google and you will receive over 8.5 million responses- Women do not want to be trophy’s, but finding a sugar daddy is ok? Feigning interest in order to fund a lifestyle is as demeaning as marrying a woman because she is beautiful. Both are the objectification of human beings, both undermine a person’s character, so why is one being protested and the other ignored?
Another example of this male objectification is that just as “Everyone gasps in horror if a woman is called ugly, yet chuckles in amusement if a woman is called a bitch, as if insulting her appearance is so much worse than insulting her actual character.” Society is equally guilty of being shockingly uncomfortable with the idea of a man being poor, to the point that he is ruled out of the dating pool, for instance during girls night one of my friends came and spent nearly forty minutes complaining that her latest beau of three months didn’t buy her a christmas present ** insert gasp here**, his phone was disconnected and he was suffering money troubles, my friend seemed repulsed by him, mostly though, it seemed she was pissed off about the missing charm from her bracelet. She bragged that she immediately ended the relationship the day after Christmas, and for the most part she was right to end it he seemed like an asshole, but i could not ignore the skewed values this woman held for men. She was aggravated by his devotion to his family, frustrated by his ability to prioritize, and infuriated that he wouldn’t give her his money to blow on fake hair and acrylic nails. This is what disturbed me most, for women like her it seems, a man can have a reputation for behaving like a ‘misogynistic asshole’ and it’s all giggles and jokes as long as he gives her enough of his money to blow on whatever little trinket comes to mind. This behavior suggests, that a man’s character, morals and beliefs are excusable as long as he has money and affluence. A man’s ego rests upon his ability to provide and the very moment his ability to do this is questioned his entire being is questioned. Though, not sexual in nature this particular type of objectification is equally harmful.
Elite Daily, argues that it is completely exuseable to objectify our male counterparts, Alexia Flata argues “Because when a woman’s worth is defined by how beautiful she is and how sexually desirable she is, it’s another way of saying her worth is defined by how much male attention she receives and how much men want to f*ck her — how much she’s satisfying the male gaze.
Men don’t operate this way. Men don’t live to satisfy a so-called female gaze.”
But I disagree, just as a woman worth is defined by her beauty, a man’s worth is determined by his bank account. It is a way of saying his worth is defined by how much money he has and how much he is spending on her- is this then the female gaze?
If it is then I would argue that men ARE aspiring to satisfy the female gaze. He is not sending you drinks in the bar to impress himself, no he is using it as a symbol with the greater message of look I have money I can take care of you. More often than not the luxury car he bought was only sold because it was a “chick magnet” , again aspiring to convey the message of wealth.
I believe in equality of the sexes, I want to be regarded as myself not the summation of a man’s success or failings. I am quite capable of taking care of myself, and am happy to do it. The days of society, and Jane Austen novels are long gone, with that said; A man is not here to take care of you! You can take care of you! Love should manifest for reasons greater than his ability to pay a light bill. And a man’s value should not be based on his job, or affluence, just as a woman’s should not be based on her fuck-ability; it should be because of the person whom he or she is. Beauty nor money should come before integrity, honor, happiness, and love.
Let me hear your take on this. Can you remember any conversations like this in your own circle? Do you disagree? Let me know your thoughts below…