I got married
I’m sorry if anyone feels slighted by my not sharing such a huge development in my life, but there was no time. I woke up, did some laundry, watched a TED talk and then the decision became so clear it was no choice at all. In a moment I looked at the most amazing person I have ever met… and I married her!
Yes, her! Or me rather.. I have chosen to give myself the ultimate commitment, I’ve chosen to vow to love myself right now, for who I am right now : imperfect, flawed, and everything that comes with it.
Early in life I got the idea that marriage was success! Someone loves you! Someone wants to share a life with you! You must be pretty damn amazing. This idea was so ingrained in me that when I saw unmarried women I was dumbfounded, they looked happy, but they weren’t married, so they must be sad. I couldn’t fathom the idea that a person can be single and happy! I believe there was an episode of Sex and the City , that reiterated this message for me. The episode was innocent enough, the scene opens with Carrie and her friend Stan strolling through New York City, and Stan looks at Carrie and says “You are nobody unless someone loves you!”! Yikes! Tough right? I cant remember for certain, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I started looking for a boyfriend to love me before the episode ended. What a terrible message for my 18 year old self , with southern and seemingly antiquated ideals, to hear. Yet, I am here to tell you that though I hate the statement, it is not a lie. Stan is telling the truth. What he failed to mention is that the ‘someone’ in question can be you. So in the name of love, I put a ring on it!
I laid in my bed, surrounded by my freshly folded laundry and realized that though, I may never have perfect hair or be able to wear white to a party; I could, would and did promise myself this:
I,Brianca J Hadnot take you, Brianca J Hadnot, to be my lawfully wedded wife,to have and to hold, from this day forward,
““To have” is to receive without reservation the total self-gift of the other. It’s not a statement of ownership, but rather a promise of unconditional acceptance.” (Pirola). So when i promised myself this, I promised to be gentle with myself, to allow myself to make mistakes and to allow myself to grow. In this, I promised to separate my person from my failed actions. I promised to accept my failures for what they were. I promised not to only accept myself when I am doing well but also when I am not.
““To Hold” is a pledge of physical affection and tenderness, a vow to be available to the other in body and soul, a promise to cherish, value and protect the other as we would a prized treasure.” (Pirola). By promising myself this I promised to take care of me, to celebrate my successes, to value my decisions and to trust my advice. I promise to protect myself from any thing that can not serve me, to stand up for myself, and to stand firm in my beliefs no matter what the world brings my way.
for better, for worse,
“For better or for worse” is a commitment by the marriage partners to rise-up together against those situations that would threaten the marriage covenant relationship.” (Gola).Promising myself this is my way of promising to never give up on myself. To constantly push forward through my trials, and to separate those trials from who I am as a person. To fully commit to myself.
for richer, for poorer,
This commitment then is not conditional on a six figure salary, a luxury car, designer bags, or a 6 bedroom home… though these things would be wonderful they are not essential. I promised to love myself with or without these things. I love myself right where I am, not once i get my PHD, not once I write a novel and not even once I win a pulitzer. I love myself now!! Furthermore, I promise to love myself through all of life’s many disappointments.
in sickness and in health,
I forgive myself for my mistakes. I am imperfect and I know this, and though everyone I have ever hurt may not forgive me, I have forgiven myself and made peace with myself. It was difficult but I have learned to nurse my own wounds and to piece myself together. So, by making this commitment openly I promise to continue doing this. To continue to make myself available to healing, and to continue believing I am worthy to be healed.
until death do us part.
Well this promise is obvious, Baby, we are in this to the very end.No matter the day or time that I become a wife to a husband, or a mother to a child, or the owner of a business. I still have a commitment to myself, and it is not going anywhere. I believe that this commitment will be beneficial in all aspects of my life. I will not transfer the love and devotion for myself to anyone else, instead I will fill myself first and as I overflow it will be more than enough to spill over and fill the basins of my other relationships. Those who matter won’t mind , and those who mind do not matter.
I have fallen so deeply in love with me, that I had no time for dresses or invitations.However, I do have time for celebratory gifts for my life with my new, beautiful, smart, talented, quirky, eccentric wife. We/ I am registered at Amazon, Barney’s, Nordstrom, Gucci, and Cartier… Please feel free!
I am kidding ( unless you gone do it) but I would love to hear your stories of falling in love with yourself, your ideas on marriage or anything you would like to share with me. Comment below! Don’t forget to share this with a friend , and if you really like me you can subscribe so that you never miss a post. …See you all later, Im going on a romantic trip to my living room to eat cheese and grapes, and watch cartoons- my honeymoon!